On Life and Living It

Anything one does feels more indulgent and sophisticated with a glass of champagne in hand. I know because I am trying it right now. The whole of my anxious and unsettled being is quelled by this sensation of expectancy and pleasure.

Taste and see that the Lord is good.

He knew I'd find champagne. And Havarti with jalapenos. And garden tomatoes.

The day did not begin here. It was more panicked. I woke up with a start.

Shane's parents are coming over for dinner and I am immersed in this culture that tells me it's important to: have a clean house, have flooring on your stairs, have only one colour on your wall in the kitchen, not kill people with salmonella poisoning. So I felt nervous. I live in a persistent construction zone in which no construction is happening. I also don't regularly dust. I don't ever dust. Oh priorities.

Today, however, I chose life.

First of all, I threw the flowers that had withered and died into the garbage. Leaves, stems, browned petals, vase and all. They had been sitting on the piano since my dad's funeral. They had been there so long reminding me of the horrific day I said goodbye to my dad, that I almost had a perverse and sentimental attachment to them.

I apologized to my dad. And then I also removed his plaques and awards from the piano where they have been collecting dirty Kleenexes and grief all this time. My dad seemed relieved. I wiped his photo with my sweater and we smiled at each other.

Today, he wanted me to live my life too. I could just tell.

It only got better from there. Around ten, my beautiful friend Kim showed up with huge canvases. We painted in my living room, nibbling fancy cheese and sipping champagne. The beauty was not only in the reality of our morning ritual, but in the fact that it was actually morning. There is something terribly luxurious about discovering that you can adore the life you're living with such minimal adjustments.

This afternoon, with my last glass of champagne still swirling around in my martini glass (I use this glass because I like the feel of the bubbles on my nose) I am ready to finish making dinner. I might even clean the floors. Don't hold me to that if I decide instead to write a song or do a crossword. Either way, if the point is living, today I choose it.