oops...

Dreams float around like butterflies on this warm, winter day. Feels like Spring. Feels like Hope.

My web browser is open to a Google search for au pair positions in France.
My latte is steaming over the brim of my coffee cup.
My imagination is darting between Europe and Africa; solo adventure and romance; today, tomorrow and yesterday.

I’m not sure what happened today.

Well, number one, Carissa finally came home. She has a way of stirring me up. She draws something out of me that I never knew was there. She’s like a clown that keeps pulling scarves out of her sleeve. Bunnies from under hats. (But her hair is better, and her feet are tiny). Only it’s mysteries from my soul that keep surfacing in our little, innocent chats.

The point is, I thought I was going to Africa with Shane. That was my plan until breakfast this morning. Somewhere between the coffee and the eggs a new dream crept in. A new vision of life with my guitar and my notebook and the magic of Paris. Somehow independence and adventure took hold of that part of me that refuses to go down quietly into the status quo.

I know. How do you go from Zambia to France? How do I get from mud hut to corner café? I don’t know. I know. I don’t know.

But what if this is the moment? What if marriage and babies are right around the corner? What if this is my last chance to follow my own dream on an adventure with my own self for company?

Do I even want to admit this to the rest of you?

Post. Don’t post.

Post.